Dirge Rhetoric
Monologing ...on the 'trial of the miles'.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Fargin basturds.
Hey Thom,
I called the bullshit department at Head Office to ask about your comment. There was a Most Wanted poster there with your face on it. I say you have never read my blog.
You solicitor, you.
Here is the deal. Only the most inane and stupid people would buy a pitch thrown on a public comment box. It would have been more effective if you sent your carrier pigeon with a note in its beak and had it shit on my head to alert me of the incoming message.
And:
Fart in my good ear. Ever hear a pigeon fart in your good ear?
I like what you are selling. You virtually had my visa in your hand, but like I said, I caught you leaving a public comment and THAT my friendly neighbourhood solictor, is why Geddy Lee sings Neal Peart's lyric with such vile contempt, "Aaaaaah Salesman.....ahhhh Salesman....ahhhh Salesman. You give an honourable career a bad image".
Check out my latest interviews with Nicholas R. Powell, Psychologist, Fasil Bizuneh with his new book - a unique novella and article on Greg McMillan's US Championships repeat attempt coming up: www.athleticsillustrated.com.
Recovering heel status:
Great.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
The Heel and The Things Rob Watson Said
I got an award with the Prairie Inn Harriers Running Club. I share it with two other worthy club members, Sara Pape-Salmon, who does so much for the club and Shane Ruljancich who races a heck of a lot and places well and has improved a lot as a runner. The two-foot trophy carries our names from criteria achieved during 2011. The award is called the Harrier's Members' Choice Award for High Performance - being voted in, is twice as rewarding. Now about performance, I didn't actually perform anything, but I did get high. NAH! I got mine for being the guy who puts on The Q's Victoria Track Series mostly and a little for my newsletter editing as well as my Flotrack.org and Athletics Illustrated writing.
The Heel
The first heel (Mr. Left) was operated on in September, it is still a little sore, but is mostly not sore and most of the time you cannot tell that I am walking funny. This is because the ankle is getting stronger and the rest of everything else isn't really sore...just a little, when stressed a bit. Surgeon said that the healing of the left heel, is a little slow, but not off the bell curve. I can deal with that because I had the right one done February 2nd.
This is weird. I don't want to jinx anything, mess with voodoo karma or pester the gawds at all. I certainly do not want to toot my horn early or do anything to mess with recovery, but I am walking around the house like nothing happened. There is weakness from being in a plaster cast for one week and a walking cast for one week and the incision area is still healing, but mostly done and looks great, but the walking around is ....weirdly and freakishly pain free. Like as if nothing happened. The only reason I walk around carefully is for fear of having something happen, because I do not know the boundaries and limitations. I do test a little here and there, but am very careful....fingers crossed on the continued good recovery.
The surgeon said, "six more weeks before spinning with cycling shoes". He didn't say anything about spinning in flip flops like I did yesterday, one flip flop and one cycling shoe for 40 minutes or 90 minutes today with a runner on, but the heel of the runner flattened. Pain free.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop....or perhaps a big fat pulling feeling and me collapsing to the ground in agony. So far, no problem.
I CANNOT WAIT TO RUN!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The Heel, the Nucks, The Athletics Illustrated, The...

Ok first off, in retaliation to JTL's comment from last post, let me be more clear: Trade Lou now, if there is a real good deal that really makes sense and where the Canucks win, win and win some more (on the trade) - and based on the parameters that I outlined, trade the crap out of him - the title of that post was about being a Monday Morning Quarterback. I am one. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. If the optimum, lip-smacking deal is not available, then no trade, better to go into the playoffs with two strong goalies. So I do agree with JTL. Lou is hot at the moment and may remain hot through the playoffs, this is a plausibility.
Post operation situation:
I removed the plaster cast last week with a hacksaw. Went well. I have been in the walking boot/cast since. Works well. I get the stitches out today and with that there are some x-rays. Nothing more to tell you. Although I did fancy the notion of removing the stitches myself. I almost did, then I had visualizations of pulling the skin away and exposing the inside of my foot to my beer that I was going to be holding. That would sting. Better leave this stuff to the professionals.
Athletics Illustrated.
Your new favourite site on the sport of Athletics. Please "follow" the tweets @Athillustrated and "like" the facebook page and subscribe to the RSS feed and bookmark the site as a favourite and purposely Stumbleupon it at least once and share it with all your friends and enemies.
Check out Athletics Illustrated on the latest report on Canadian Marathoning and the possibility of up to four individuals fighting for the final playoff spot: Wykes, Osaduik, Loiselle and Watson and that does not include possibly the most talented of the group, Bairu who will continue to focus on the 10,000m. He holds the Canadian 10,000m record (27:23) and seven Canadian Cross Country Championships. One day, Bairu will rock the marathon.
www.athleticsillustrated.com
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
I am a Monday Morning Quarterback.
Every team wants an excellent starting goalie. Roberto Luongo, the Canuck's current starter, has a no-trade clause in his contract, but NTCs can be waived by the player. I don't understand. Why would the Canucks not try to trade Luongo first? He is older, prone to melt in the play-offs, and still has strong market value. Any media talking about this?
Lou should be concerned about his job especially if he gets pelted in the play-offs. The Canucks should be concerned with his market value as it could drop precipitously in a Stanley Cup meltdown which he is know for. He is getting older. Well we are all getting older. But time is magnified in the high-stakes millionaire game of professional hockey.
Trade him in a package for a good back-up to Schneider, where the Canucks get one more defencemen and one more forward.
The package could include a player from the minor affiliate, the Chicago Wolves and Mason Raymond. Raymond has good potential, but he gets bodied off the puck too easily. Trade him for a player like a Booth, Higgins or Kesler. I really like that line.
The playoffs are coming and so is the trade deadline and there is no place for shrinking violets, or players who melt under pressure. The Canucks need to move Mason Raymond and possibly Roberto Luongo in a package and need to add another defencemen. One that plays like Salo, but doesn't get injured so often. I have a tonne of respect for Salo, but when fans pay hundreds of dollars to see the team play, they should have a voice.
Go Canucks!
Athletics Illustrated:
Check out my latest interview with Coach and Physiologist, Greg McMillan at www.athleticsillustrated.com
Friday, February 03, 2012
POST SURGERY
Oh there was another thing. During the operation the doc dropped a contact lens into my wound and in an effort to get it out, sliced off my tendon. Ok just kidding. But a nurse said they were a little concerned because my heart rate dropped during surgery. I said, "that is because I am a runner." She rolled her eyes. I wasn't even sure what I was saying and I am completely unfit to boot.
I am good with the crutches. I have practice.
There isn't much to say really.
Oh except as you probably well know that before surgery you are not to eat or drink (except water) after midnight. So I ate dinner at 6:00 PM. The operation was at 3:30 PM. By the time I got home it was nearly 8:00 PM. I hadn't eaten for 26 hours. So my sister in-law had earlier dropped off four heavy squares of very healthy cake-square things, with coconut, healthy wheat of some sort, oatmeal and other wholesome ingredients.
Time I got home, I was served a big bowl of spaghetti. I ate that, then had 3 of the heavy squares. Then I had a big bowl of popcorn and a tea.
...well...I normally have two big bowls of spaghetti.
My appetite has not been affected. I was hoping it would.
Well now I get to look forward to training in the future instead of looking forward to surgery, which is what I have been doing since September 27th and before that about a year.
Renewed vigor.
Check out my new articles at www.athleticsillustrated.com. We got a conversation with Cameron Levins, who is getting very fast. We have a submission from the editor of Runner's Feed about training with the opposite sex and keeping your marriage. There is also a video gallery down below and a video box to the right of the main article... check that out.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
CUTS LIKE A KNIFE
Thank goodness he likes to do this sort of thing.
Once he has finished with me, I can look towards spring with renewed optimism and hope - unless of course he botches the deal. ....but anyway, like oh sure it will be a hassle showering, going up and down the stairs, especially down and all that, but once I am walking and starting to run, it will be so exciting [rubbing hands together].
I just so want to get running free again. Running at the drop of a hat. To roll out of bed Sunday morning and go for a three hour run....ugh....I cannot wait. It will take awhile, so I have to be patient. Currently I am four months and four days (I think) into recovery after the first surgery and have only run a few 15 minutes jaunts - all of which hurt. Interestingly though, last week I ran 15 minutes and had to limp for two days. Then I went again on the treadmill and no problem. Then I went again with a person by the name of Seachest (don't ask) and ran for 17 minutes on mixed surfaces, including pavement, plus walking. Now it did hurt after awhile, while running, but I did not limp for two days after....in fact I was only a little sore the next day. IS THIS PROGRESS????????????? WOW! What a foreign concept that is for me.
BRING ON THE KNIFE, DUDE!!! LET'S GO!!!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Surgery, Skiing and all that.
I can run a bit now. Today I was on the treadmonster for about 15 minutes. At the gym with Amber. Nice when the teens get past that,"Dads are so awkward in public" thing.
Skiid this weekend with Tyson. We were at Powder King, which is located two hours north of Prince George. The mountain lived up to its name - snowed the whole time. Funny, there was no signs whatsoever for the whole two hours indicating how far Powder King is away. In fact the only sign is a wooden one, just off the highway, where you need to turn to go up the mountain.
Here is the short video:
Woot.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Sarah Burke

Ok for the masses out there curious to know how my left heel is faring in regards to my surgery September 27th. Well, I don`t know.
I ran for 25 minutes in my basement two days ago and that seemed fine, but the next day there was some pain for sure in the specific area where I had surgery, enough so that I was limping. I do not know what that means, but I do know that I did want to be running again by now.
Next surgery is February 2nd. Let`s see what happens to the right foot.
There has been much ado about Sarah Burke passing away. She was the great freestyle skier that had a fall in a training run and died a few days later surrounded by family. She was 29. Too young, too good and too enthusiastic about life. Too bad. Seriously.
You can contribute to a fund in her name - see the link at www.athleticsillustrated.com. The hospital bills from Utah (yes she is Canadian) piled up.
She transcended all sports.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Brett Gotcher Interview
He is in a funky spot, 5th - which for a 2:10:36 marathoner is not a great spot, but considering that the field was stacked, he stacked up alright on race day. I think he was seeded fourth.
Apparently only the fourth place finisher gets to be the team alternate. I find this odd considering the prevalence of injury in the sport of marathon running. One would think that all runners who better the IAAF qualifying standards would be candidates to be alternates.
Let's say Ritz - the fourth place finisher - races the 10,000m distance and qualifies for the Olympic Games. Let's say he ends up saying that regardless of who may not be able to run on race day he does not want to run the marathon. Let's just say that happens. Why wouldn't Gotcher be permitted to suit up? He has run as fast as 2:10:36 and has a 2:11:06 under his belt now too.
Why not?
http://athleticsillustrated.com/uncategorized/2547/
Brett Gotcher raced the US Olympic Marathon Trials Saturday, January 14th in Houston, Texas. He finished in a near personal best time of 2:11:06, 30 seconds off of his debut result that he achieved at the 2009 Chevron Houston Marathon, 2:10:36 – the fourth fastest American marathon debut.
The 2012 Trials was one of the deepest US marathon races to date with 81 finishers bettering the 2:30 threshold, 50 going sub-2:20, 21 bettering the sub-2:15 mark and four who ran sub-2:10. Those four were Meb Keflezighi – the oldest Trials champion at age 36, he ran a personal best time of 2:09:08, Ryan Hall 2:09:30, who is the American record holder with his 2:04:58, Abdi Abdiriham 2:09:47 and Dathan Ritzenhein 2:09:55. Ritzenhein will become the American alternate should one of the three who ran faster are unable to compete. Gotcher finished 5th overall.
He trains in Flagstaff, Arizona with Coach Greg McMillan at adidas-McMillanElite.
Personal bests:
10,000m – 28:09:21
20k – 58:57
Half Marathon – 1:02:09
Marathon - 2:10:36
The interview.
Christopher Kelsall: Congratulations on your 2:11:06 at the US Olympic Trials in Houston, Saturday. Not a personal best, but close and a return to form after a tough result following your stellar marathon debut of 2:10:36 at the 2009 Chevron Houston Marathon. Was that the primary goal, to return to form?
Brett Gotcher: Thanks! My main goal out there was to compete. That’s what the Olympic Trials are all about. I went in with a race plan that I thought would give me a good shot and I tried to execute as best as could. I don’t think I ever really lost form, I just had a bad day last year and finished the race. I’ve been building upon that first marathon and knew that if I had a great day I could beat a lot of people.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Week straight from the depths of hell.
The virus I had was so powerful (read previous post), I slept 23 hours straight, got up, had a slice of bread and a glass of OJ and went back to sleep. Got up and down for two more days, mostly down. Ate a full meal four days later.
Seven days later I am 80% back to what I know as normal.
BUT. Meanwhile this was going on, I had a sebaceous gland infection, which it turns out had a rare virus. I am on antibiotics.
So I hobbled into the medical clinic to announce that I was bitten by a rabid spider. The Dr. who ended up seeing me said, "no, that is an infection, perhaps from an ingrown hair." She subsequently sliced it open, stabbed it with with a needle, stuffed a drain in it and said, "return tomorrow for more of the same."
I did.
She shortened the drain-wick, fiddled around some more getting puss out and announced, "come back tomorrow and the next day."
Done and done.
It is clean, clear and I am nearly done that evil bottle of antibiotics (that which prevents me from imbibing in said fine stouts and lagers).
Now I am ready to resume where I left off and spin, run-in-the-basement and do my physio for my surgically-enhanced heel.
The other day I got an email from the surgeon: We are on schedule for surgery number two. Work okayed it, let's go.
Once I have this surgery, I believe my outlook will change, as I will be on the other side of this episode.
I spat hell out.
Check out Dylan Wykes being a man of Action.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I am lucky to be alive.
Friday, January 06, 2012
Conversations
Thursday, January 05, 2012
That fine line. It has been crossed.
Some things that drive me nuts include (even though I am a small "C" conservative) the NHL, namely Colin Campbell, fining hothead coaches like John Torterella. He ain't no Cinderella, no wall flower and no shrinking violet. He is a loudmouthed, sarcastic, don't suffer no fools, egomaniac. And although I probably would have very much enjoyed skating very slowly up to him and reaching out a hand and punching him in the face if I was in the NHL, I feel he brings much needed character to the league - and here the league has this gift handed to them, you know, a loudmouthed, sarcastic, don't suffer no fools egomaniac and they fine him $30,000 for being himself. Tough being yourself these days I guess. Step back from the line, John.
He is guilty, according to the league, of criticising the refereeing at the NHL's annual outdoor game, the Winter Classic. The only classic thing about the Philadelphia-NY Rangers game was John Tortorella (as Don Cherry calls him: Tortellini) and his comments. Meanwhile the NHL in some cities is fringe. In Philly and the Big Apple it is not so fringe, it is popular, that hockey. But places like Phoenix, Dallas, the republic of Florida and New Mexico, the NHL is suffering. New Mexico has a team, right? I heard Toronto did too or do they? I know they are jealous that Winnipeg got a team and now want one too.
Anyway, the NHL making the league bland is going to ruin one of the attractions of the game. That drives me nuts. For no other reason than I know if I was coaching, I would have by now said much worse things about much worse people in the league like Colin Campbell. ...Like that.
Another thing (although this does not drive me nuts - I just find it mildly amusing) have you seen Obama lately? That President down there in the US, the one, the now failing (and always failing) Michelle Bachmann addresses as "Hussein" simply because the name sounds evil. I mean why else would she say his name as Hussein Obama? No one else ever does. She's creepy. But have you seen him lately? I think the other Michelle, his wife, is living off of him. I don't mean financially either. He is getting smaller and smaller all the time. Plus I think he is getting more Irish. Perhaps he should name himself O'Bama! Hussein O'Bama. Sounds creepy. Maybe I crosseth said line, eh?

Maybe she is actually white? Bachmann would know. She also is a loud-mouth, sarcastic, don't suffer no fools, ego-maniacal character. Of course she's paying the ultimate price...but who cares? I don't.
There is a fine line between being a character and being a complete idiot. Michelle Bachmann is a complete idiot.
I know I know I know....get to the recovery from retro-calcaneal bursitis already, right? Well nothing new to report, just read the previous post; same thing.
Hey check out www.athleticsillustrated.com. I have Stefano Baldini's training leading up to the Athens Olympic Games Marathon, where he won Gold. I also have a new and entertaining interview with Keith Livingstone, author of the best-selling book Healthy Intelligent Training and some other stuff.
Woot.
Tip: Look both ways before crossing the line.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Recovery process
Ok so the surgery was September 27th. The cast came off one week later. Then the walking cast was chucked two weeks later and if you read my previous posts you can get a sense of the timeline from there on.
Progress has stalled a bit. I mean when I wake up, I feel 100%, half-way through the day, if I haven't exercised, I am about 50% and by supper I am limping. And that is the way it has been for sometime....
I have been able to run on my forefoot or toes almost for about 15 minutes in my daughter's dance studio downstairs, which is 23 feet by 11 feet. I use the ballet bar for stretching and the mirrored wall for keeping an eye on my squats etc.
I found that my hips must be off-line. I noticed today that upon a deep squat my left glute is lower than my right. This is interesting. I have had some major issues with my right leg for about six months. For example, when running (before surgery), my leg would almost fail, like as if there is major nerve damage. It was scary. I also feel a myriad of other issues, like groin pull, sciatica, IT band syndrome and weakness....I thought I would tackle it after my two surgeries and healing was done, but by gum, now that I see the issue - which makes it tangible I guess - I want to tackle it now.
I have done some really hard stretching too....probably nothing to impress a yogi or anyone, but enough to make me wobble for my first few steps afterwards.
I need to fix me. Project 2012: Fix me.
Meanwhile, I continue to recover from retro-calcaneal bursitis, slowly, but surely.
Have you read my interview with Clifford Childs? He is the UVic Vikes Team Captain and helped pace the Vikes men's team to a Canada West CIS Cross Country Title and a third place finish nationally: http://athleticsillustrated.com/interviews/clifford-childs/
Monday, December 12, 2011
Progress Report # 10 billion.
The physio now has me doing box jumps, heel drops, squats and walking around on my toes and then walking around on my heels. All of this is very counter-intuitive.
In fact any runner can vouch for the fact that if we sense pain, we equate that to oncoming injury, so we back off and fix the issue before it becomes serious.
With post-surgery, I am having trouble getting my head around the idea that any pain I may feel when jumping off boxes or semi-violently dropping my heels below a stair is working towards recovery. In fact, the pain = oncoming injury is so stuck in my psyche that when I walk, I have to consciously force myself to walk normal....the brain-neuro-muscular relationship is in a quarreling match right now.
Hey check out my latest interview with Simon Bairu and Dr. Jim Denison at: "Like" the fan page, "follow" on twitter and subscribe to the RSS feed, when you get there. Please. Thanks.
There is over 100 articles on the site now!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Progress Report
While walking around the house or jumping out of a moving vehicle - no - hang on....jumping out of a vehicle to say drop a letter in the mail box or whatever or run across the driveway is fine and dangly. So little jaunts to answer the phone or knock on the door are fine too. In fact, I ran 2 x 5:00 min on a dreadmill. Sloppy and slow, but I could do it. Yay. This week the progress has been more rapid than the previous three weeks, where I felt as though not much was changing.
Next Surgery date is February 2nd. Although I prefer NOW, there is a positive spin on the Feb 2nd date. If I want to ski, roller blade, run, cycle etc, I can start to do this and get a little fitter. The date of February 2nd isn't all that bad. Just four to five weeks later than hoped. My projected ETA of running daily sometime in the summer is still on.
Check out my new site: www.athleticsillustrated.com
I was perusing Go Daddy dot com, looking for a domain name for a site to house my many articles and interviews that are scattered around the internet and in some print publications. I came across www.athleticsillustrated.ca www.athleticsillustrated.com and .net and .blog.
Sort of an auspicious name for a shit kicker from Victoria, like me. But what the heck.
Check out my latest interview with Geoff Martinson, Canadian 1500m specialist, looking to qualify for the 2012 London Olympic Games, by running a 3:35 time. Tough row, to hoe!
"like" the site facebook (where else?) and "Follow" on Twitter too! And thanks!!
Sunday, November 06, 2011
More Recovery
Went for a 2.5 km walk to a Starbucks, along the sandy beach at Gyro Park and up and down Ten Mile Point hill, out-and-back, so 5k. Limping all the way except in the sand.
I limp because I half fear doing a full-on normal step and follow-through and partially because I can feel tightness and a little pain also partly because of weakness from wearing said cast, which caused atrophy of area muscles.
But tonight, I accidentally ran 6 steps and it didn't hurt. The fight or flight response mechanism kicked in. The wife was saying, as I was heading out the door, "don't take the bimmer because there is only so much gas left, take the truck." I was thinking, 'take the bimmer', because of the heated seats and it sits in the garage, warm. After all it is only like 5 degrees out.
So I yelled, "I am taking the bimmer," hit the garage door-open button and ran for the truck, laughing all the way. I was laughing because she would have to get up off the cozy couch while all bundled in a warm blanket and half asleep to peer out the window, to witness the crime.
I laughed all the way to the destination. I laughed myself hoarse.
Then I stopped laughing and realized I ran out of the garage and did not feel any pain at the surgery site (in my flip flops).
Progress.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Progress
Surgery date: September 27th
Plaster cast off/walking cast on: October 4th
Walking inside without cast: October 15th - give or take.
Walking without cast in and out: October 27th
I put the cast back on when I made a work road trip, so that I can get around faster. I take it off at night while at the hotel, dining etc.
I had the walking cast off for four straight days - 100% of the time.
Recently I have been standing on my toes with both feet and lowering and going up and down gently. I can put about 50% of my weight on the heeling heal. This is great because about ten days or so ago, I could feel sharp pain with even introducing weight on the foot immediately.
All good news.
I can moving quickly on stairs up and down, but flat is still a limp.
There is no power in the toe-off or the landing - due to no movement when in cast.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Dirge Rhetoric
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Update.
This is exciting. I like mediocrity, Pat Sajack, waffles with not quite enough syrup on them, like when they stick to the gums and go down slow. I like sunny days that get me just warm enough, then a breeze and a cloud make me reconsider. I like gray clothes (no I don't) flannel, ever-so-slight hangovers, so I can be reminded that four was two more than the two that I should be having the night before. Just hungover enough to make the autumn leaves skittering along the pavement seem loud, as they pass by and swirl in front of me.
Ok enough of that. Anyway, for two straight days I have not worn my walking cast. This is weeks early. Although I am gentle how I plant the foot and toe off, I am 100% without the walking cast. Well, if I am going to walk somewhere serious, then I will put it on, but around the house, out to the truck and about - no problemo, amigos.
I am very excited about this, as the sooner I get foot number two sliced open and dealt with, the sooner I can start running, slowly...gradually...carefully...
My goal for this week: NOTHING. Just gently not rock the recovery boat. Easy does it. [touching wood], no dramatic changes to my routine. Get up carefully, no kicking the crap out of things. I am going to make sure that nothing happens to restrict the fantastic progress I am making. YOU will hear me SCREAM, otherwise.
I think in a couple more weeks, I will be given physiotherapy exercises to do. I will be like a red ant general in the ant army, working myself to the extreme to recover.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Latest
Looks like the stictches dissolved or close to it, but I think because there was some itchy feeling back there, in the night, I may have scratched it. So in the morning, I removed an old bandage and I was bleeding a little...oh well.
Nothing really interesting to report. And that is ok I think.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Stoked.
"Two hour wait time, Mr Rhetric."
"Great, see you in two hours."
Came back, got in, in 5 minutes, remove cast (ok - kewl), x-rays from several angles.
Got my walking cast a week early and was told I could begin walking based on feel (add heel lifts).
Saw x-rays - bulbous growth removed. One major correction on what I thought got done. Bursa sac goes away, it isn't taken off.
Leg muscle has atrophied a surprising amount.
I am so stoked.
Yeah. Not that it will make a massive dent in my time back to running, but back to work a little earlier and crutches may be put away earlier too.
Wicked.
Dear Diary
This recovering business is as boring as a Michael Bolton ballad. No. A Michael Bolton ballad is grating and this isn't boring because I have so much to do; most of it self-inflicted. But the heel surgery has provided no drama as of yet, therefore read-on at your own risk, sucker.
Celebrate with Celebrex or have wicked faux-nightmare
Finished the non-steroidal anti-inflammatory prescription drugs (NSAIDs) branded Celebrex and still nothing: no pain. This surgeon is either highly skilled, like a fine-tuned ballet dancer at the prime of his career and brandishing a scalpo or two (and freshly cleansed hands) or he didn't do anything and this is (as earlier reported) a diabolical mind f&*k of the highest order. Up there with something Hannibal Lectar or Willy Pickton would dream up.
Ok I am not complaining. It is great that there is no pain associated with this surgery. Yes, this is good.
But what's a boy to write about?
Dear Diary,
Today I woke up and shrink-wrapped my toe-to-knee plaster cast with shrink-wrap, wrap, thrice; so to make sure. And went both directions, which are: "back-and-forth" and "up-and-down". Ok that may be four directions, but you get the picture.
Took a shower. It went well, but I nearly impaled my probiscus on the edge-rail of the shower door, whilst slip-sliding around in the hot shower.
Coffee
To get the internal plumbing up to speed, I have had a pot of coffee everyday, since having not had coffee everyday for a stretch of 4 days, after not having, not having coffee on almost any single day in about 30 years. It worked. (Read again if it passed you by).
I am having another pot today, but ran out of milk, so I have had that almond breeze, vanilla flavoured unsweetened added to my coffee instead. The calcium content is about the same as milk. Add to that the TUMS I have been eating and regular dietary consumption of calcium and my finger nails are so hard, I cut my supper up with my thumb nail, then speared the carrots and flung them across the room, they stuck to the wall and slid down very slowly. Powerful stuff.
Dreams
I have had a few weird dreams. Like when I accidently double-dosed on the Celebrex. That night I managed to twist my face into the pillow (while sleeping) which caused funny breathing noises - my dream-state mind heard that as the sound of docile-yet-killer, rubbery and fast-growing frogs that did weird things like clinging to the clothesline while you walked under, while almost smiling at you, like a dolphin almost appears to be smiling.
After mass unsuccessful efforts to cull the frogs, by accident it was discovered that water kills these frogs, so we were getting ahead of the game, culling them and all, but then we realized - in slump-shoulder and defeated angst - that the very first frog (being fast growing and all) was now the size of a small planet....I woke with a sense of relief, but then started laughing to myself at the 3:00 am.
No more double-dosing of Celebrex, lesson learned.
In 1 week today, I move to a walking cast. I am half-way to the walking cast. YES.
If you read this, you will now be 10% of a full IQ point more stupid than before you started reading it. Your loss.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Surgery, Cast, Crutches, NSAIDs - Progress Report
I would like to provide gory details of my immense pain and exquisite suffering as I know this will please you to no end. However, there has been no pain whatsoever. I know...I know...so sorry about that. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in this case, other cast, literally and figuratively, as I am to get the other left foot operated on in the same fashion:
- Knock the bastard out.
- Roll limp bastard on to his face from stretcher to gurney.
("limp" because I was gassed, not because I am limp or anything).
- Bruise rib in process (laugh our asses off doing it).
- Slice open heel, a vertical slice, beside the achilles tendon.
- Cut out both bursa sacks. Yes there are two.
- Slip bursa sacks into the lasagna of bitchy and negative R.N. (whatshername).
- Shave heel bone down, so to make sure there is no spur there to irritate new bursas when they grow in.
- Sew up bastard's cut.
- Roll him back over (slap him a couple times for fun).
- When he awakens feed him jello and be overly sweet to him.
- Get him the hell out as fast as possible.
So just to recap, as I am sure you already forgot:
No pain whatsoever.
In fact, I wonder if he actually operated or this is some mad diabolical mind f&*k. I mean, here I am hobbling around the house with my crutches, missing baths and showers, (as I have to sponge bath - cloths only, no sponges, cause I hate sponges and all they stand for). And I am taking NSAIDs to keep swelling down.
If I remove the cast and find no stitches, I will be pissed.
Anyway, to be honest, there is nothing worthwhile to post, as you have read in this completely worthless bit of drivel already.
Please continue to go about your day and forget you just wasted 3 minutes of your precious life (which I am not giving back).
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day of surgery - (to bore you is to love you)
So I am laying there in the hall near the Situation Room, listening to electronic crickets (beeping monitors) - me on the gurney, the song Bring in the Clowns goes through my mind. I got a fist full of pills in me, the pretty gown is on (bum was out - the fresh air on it is cooling); this must be Transvivania. Surgeon marks my foot and I had already repeated who I am 1723 times. I also completed subsequent paperwork as part of the process to get on THAT gurney. I AM HERE, IN POLE POSITION, Doc says, "if you are running 90 minutes to two hours are you sure you want to do this? I can't guarantee that you will run as much as you used to (7 to 10-times per week), no one can (guarantee that)."
Crickets.....actually beeping monitors....(in my mind: "Trevor O'Brien is training at an elite level, Bruce Deacon has come around nicely, they have both had this same surgery") I say, "well so is it getting better on its own?" He shakes his head. "well I am here drugged up; let's do this".
I am now laying in the O.R. and a nurse asks me questions in that faux-friendly tone and not listening. I know what this is, something is about to hurt and she is distracting me. So I allow the distraction and talk to the ceiling.
Nothing really hurt, but there was a prick (Long story - bad dude) and a cooling sensation all up my arm. Great, they are cryogenically freezing me and I am supposed to have tendon work done.
A few minutes before this the surgeon said, "ok, I will be decompressing the tendon".
I never heard him say this before. So there I am answering the distraction questions about what I do for a living and I think: 'I am going to play too'.
So I say to the room, "the doc is supposed to remove two bursa sacks and shave the bone down, yet he just said the phrase, 'decompressing the tendon', so is he removing the two bursas and shaving down the bone"?
Crickets....or beeping monitors...
All of a sudden the anesthesiologist, two RN's and a wee Asian lady all start chattering to me at once that the surgeon knows everything and was just using the fancy term. "EVERYTHING IS OK".
Beautiful. That got them listening. So I begin to tell them that I ruuuuu...that's the last thing I remember...good gas.
Home now:
So far I have been mostly biding my time between sleeping and thinking that I got so much to do...
No problem, I got a fist full of pills and a wicked pair of crutches.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Ummmmm.
Crickets, it's a symphony out there. I am the conductor of the royal cricket harmonic symphony.
Tweet tweet tweet tweet....tweet...tweet.
I guess if I feel compelled I will take my time to grace your presence with my spew that will describe in epic details the surgery, the post-surgery symphony and the one man standing ovation.
That is, I hope I get up.
Now if and when I kill this blog, please feel free to check out a new site I am putting together. It is called, Athletics Illustrated - An auspicious name for this cricketeer.
Now click out of my blog and stop wasting your time. Go check out Flotrack.org and the new logo.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
My recent blog post sucked.
"Blog" is a license to write freely, even poorly, at one's leisure. I should write better though, as an aspiring writer, journalist, columnist-guy. I just like to splat and to not think on ocassion. Just like when I speak. You know how that is, right? When you would like to just speak sometimes and not have to worry that the person you are speaking with is going to judge every word you say and throw every word you say back at you and use it against you or reference it later when making a point. I hate having to say, "no no, I was just talking randomly, please don't quote me".
Words are like a weapon to some people.
Anyway, I have surgery scheduled for September 27th. It will take 2 to 3 months to heal enough from it to get surgery to my other foot, then 2 to 3 months to commence running in a very slow and gradual build back from nothing to something.
I dread September 27th through to February ____ when I run again and what the heck, I dread February ____ to June ___ as I work my way back into shape.
I am going to make you dread it too, by documenting the very gruesome and horrid fine details of everything to do with the surgery and post-surgery suffering.
When I am fit again, I will make you suffer even more by writing a very extroverted and obnoxiously bravado-laden string of blather - randomly written (randomly said)of my return.
Blog Bless,
Chris.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
It's Been Awhile.
Anytime I say those three words, (it's been awhile) or type them, that song goes through my head. You know that song.
Then it gets stuck in my head...
It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since I could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since I could call you
But everything I can't remember as f***ed up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
Yes it gets stuck in my head and every time I hear the lyrics I think about how hard he must have tried to sound like he can write poetry or a lyric with meaning. I mean its ok and it works, but he must have backspaced over 'consequences that I've rendered' several times between checking the thesaurus and the mirror before settling on that line. The final three lines of that verse are nicely vague, he comes off thoughtful. Whatever.
It's been a while
since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
Why is it that every musician aside from Ted Nugent must claim to have trashed their bodies with drugs? Being a no-cause martyr still makes the fat and saggy musician or thin and pasty singer a hero because he/she recovered? Not! If so, your hero worshiping ways needs a paradigm shift.
The song resembles a faux-art version of the Great American Disease; Obesity. I don't know if Obesity is the problem. I think the self-loathing and reckless, plastic-bourgieos me me me generation is the problem. It manifests itself by way of hyper-self indulgence. Get over yourselves! I mean eating Crispy Creme burgers wrapped in bacon and cheese and chased with a litre of pop, which is 60% sugar or more is asking for trouble. ....well the mindset that you are capable of ordering one of these is the trouble.
That came out of left field, where the obese are ordering deep fried mars bars and kegs of coke.
Anyway, it's been a while since I last blogged.
With writing for Flotrack and Canadian Running Magazine and making the Prairie Inn Post Newsletter and running The Q's Victoria Track Series, I have forgotten all about blogging.
The series has one more meet, then it is done, save for the silent auction and awards night the next evening at the Sticky Wicket Pub. Then it is all over. Save for making the videos of the races...ok...then it's all over for 2011.
Then I pop out a Prairie Inn Post Newsletter. Then I get back on the weekly submission to Flotrack. Summers I back off a bit, partly because summer web traffic is lighter and now because of the series.
I forgot to mention I coach and advise other runners. This doesn't take up too much time, as there are so many coaches in Victoria, I am near the bottom of the heap when it comes to thinking about who to hire. This is ok as there are some solid coaches in Victoria. Of course there are some that have no idea what the hell they are talking about. I don't care how fast they have run - not everyone is a coach.
Anyway, My May surgery date got moved to September 5th and moved again to September 17th. That will be retrocalcaneal bursitus surgery of the left foot, the right foot will happen two to three months later - then the healing begins.
I should be starting to test out running in January or February, but not fit until summer. I lost that urgency a while ago. You know that feeling when you are fit and you miss a workout and panic? Or have a down week and you think your fitness has slid? I don't have that. I long for that state again.
It's been awhile
Since I could hold my heart rate high
And it's been awhile
Since I first raced you
It'll be a while
'Til I can run on my own two feet again
Ok enough said....
...Well I still like the song