Life Expectancy
Life expectancy in Canada is at an all time high (of course) [eyes rolling in mock celebration].
Recently we have laid witness to 4 funerals and a family wedding (where the wedding takes longer than the 4 funerals combined - a niece's job).
Karl Malden, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson in less than two weeks; wow death becomes us.
You never hear, marriage becomes us. The weddings happen like Christmas Day; and end just as quickly too.
But funerals just end.
I like their finality, it puts a nice cap on all those unessessary future expectations and allows one to embrace all that (or all that didn't) happen in said dead person's life, what they did, how they did it, where they went, who they may have influenced. People are often remembered by their humorous moments first, the fun they had...if I can tell one good joke...just once...
I hope when I die, I don't inconvenience anyone too much. So for that, I hope I don't go too early, but not stick around forever either and be a pain, because it may take time to look after me in my frazzled and dilapidated state.
I can see myself wilted and slumped in a wheelchair, whats left of my gray hair lies barely noticeable upon spotted scalp - eyes lazily hang in a trance and their lids close like rusty window shutters. This, while my neck's 45 degree angle protrudes my chin over my lap in an arched-back frozen pose, except I don't leap onto passing prey as it appear might happen, rather teeter perilously close to tasting my butt, in a flopping somersault. I can see the dentures flying in a slow-motion orbit, shattering on the coffee table - Chicklets everywhere!
"Bring me my tea".
1 minute later: "wheel me to the warsh room".
I got married. I have to watch the video time and again to remember what transpired. The wedding is really for 'make show'. Look everyone, we signed an agreement, someone (best man) tell everyone how great I was.
Maybe I will have a funeral while I am alive, then when I do go; good and dignified - if someone can kindly dress me in a tux, drop me in a hole and tell everyone how great I was, I can rest in peace.
Get some devil-worshipping priest to marry me to another cadaver, one who was remembered for the joy she brought others, telling good natured jokes, at least once anyway. Yes a good joke, not a better one than mine though! I'd hate to be over-shadowed, after-all I will be rotting.
Anyway this wedding thing is going on and on and good for the couple! Maybe the bigger the celebration, the bigger the commitment; the greater the loyalty.
Canadian life expectancy is growing and at the same time the divorce rate is on a massive uptick. Is there a correlation? Probably not. But there maybe many lonely 90 year-olds schwinging about the 'ole folks home. Bring on the hormone replacement there-a-pee.
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Today I felt so good running, I thought of running a time trial, then decided not to. It is suddenly warm again and I hate to sit at the desk at work, sweating for two hours.
I did get in 60 minutes along the Dallas Road Beach. I tell you that, that stretch from Clover to Ogden points, on the beach is like doing plyometrics, but dynamically, while running - awesome.
Time 60:00
Distance 12k
Effort: varied, but steady on sand, rocks, logs, stairs and grass.
Recently we have laid witness to 4 funerals and a family wedding (where the wedding takes longer than the 4 funerals combined - a niece's job).
Karl Malden, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson in less than two weeks; wow death becomes us.
You never hear, marriage becomes us. The weddings happen like Christmas Day; and end just as quickly too.
But funerals just end.
I like their finality, it puts a nice cap on all those unessessary future expectations and allows one to embrace all that (or all that didn't) happen in said dead person's life, what they did, how they did it, where they went, who they may have influenced. People are often remembered by their humorous moments first, the fun they had...if I can tell one good joke...just once...
I hope when I die, I don't inconvenience anyone too much. So for that, I hope I don't go too early, but not stick around forever either and be a pain, because it may take time to look after me in my frazzled and dilapidated state.
I can see myself wilted and slumped in a wheelchair, whats left of my gray hair lies barely noticeable upon spotted scalp - eyes lazily hang in a trance and their lids close like rusty window shutters. This, while my neck's 45 degree angle protrudes my chin over my lap in an arched-back frozen pose, except I don't leap onto passing prey as it appear might happen, rather teeter perilously close to tasting my butt, in a flopping somersault. I can see the dentures flying in a slow-motion orbit, shattering on the coffee table - Chicklets everywhere!
"Bring me my tea".
1 minute later: "wheel me to the warsh room".
I got married. I have to watch the video time and again to remember what transpired. The wedding is really for 'make show'. Look everyone, we signed an agreement, someone (best man) tell everyone how great I was.
Maybe I will have a funeral while I am alive, then when I do go; good and dignified - if someone can kindly dress me in a tux, drop me in a hole and tell everyone how great I was, I can rest in peace.
Get some devil-worshipping priest to marry me to another cadaver, one who was remembered for the joy she brought others, telling good natured jokes, at least once anyway. Yes a good joke, not a better one than mine though! I'd hate to be over-shadowed, after-all I will be rotting.
Anyway this wedding thing is going on and on and good for the couple! Maybe the bigger the celebration, the bigger the commitment; the greater the loyalty.
Canadian life expectancy is growing and at the same time the divorce rate is on a massive uptick. Is there a correlation? Probably not. But there maybe many lonely 90 year-olds schwinging about the 'ole folks home. Bring on the hormone replacement there-a-pee.
______________________________________________________
Today I felt so good running, I thought of running a time trial, then decided not to. It is suddenly warm again and I hate to sit at the desk at work, sweating for two hours.
I did get in 60 minutes along the Dallas Road Beach. I tell you that, that stretch from Clover to Ogden points, on the beach is like doing plyometrics, but dynamically, while running - awesome.
Time 60:00
Distance 12k
Effort: varied, but steady on sand, rocks, logs, stairs and grass.
posted by Chris at 10:00 AM
