Dear Diary

OK.

This recovering business is as boring as a Michael Bolton ballad. No. A Michael Bolton ballad is grating and this isn't boring because I have so much to do; most of it self-inflicted. But the heel surgery has provided no drama as of yet, therefore read-on at your own risk, sucker.

Celebrate with Celebrex or have wicked faux-nightmare

Finished the non-steroidal anti-inflammatory prescription drugs (NSAIDs) branded Celebrex and still nothing: no pain. This surgeon is either highly skilled, like a fine-tuned ballet dancer at the prime of his career and brandishing a scalpo or two (and freshly cleansed hands) or he didn't do anything and this is (as earlier reported) a diabolical mind f&*k of the highest order. Up there with something Hannibal Lectar or Willy Pickton would dream up.

Ok I am not complaining. It is great that there is no pain associated with this surgery. Yes, this is good.

But what's a boy to write about?

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up and shrink-wrapped my toe-to-knee plaster cast with shrink-wrap, wrap, thrice; so to make sure. And went both directions, which are: "back-and-forth" and "up-and-down". Ok that may be four directions, but you get the picture.

Took a shower. It went well, but I nearly impaled my probiscus on the edge-rail of the shower door, whilst slip-sliding around in the hot shower.

Coffee

To get the internal plumbing up to speed, I have had a pot of coffee everyday, since having not had coffee everyday for a stretch of 4 days, after not having, not having coffee on almost any single day in about 30 years. It worked. (Read again if it passed you by).

I am having another pot today, but ran out of milk, so I have had that almond breeze, vanilla flavoured unsweetened added to my coffee instead. The calcium content is about the same as milk. Add to that the TUMS I have been eating and regular dietary consumption of calcium and my finger nails are so hard, I cut my supper up with my thumb nail, then speared the carrots and flung them across the room, they stuck to the wall and slid down very slowly. Powerful stuff.

Dreams

I have had a few weird dreams. Like when I accidently double-dosed on the Celebrex. That night I managed to twist my face into the pillow (while sleeping) which caused funny breathing noises - my dream-state mind heard that as the sound of docile-yet-killer, rubbery and fast-growing frogs that did weird things like clinging to the clothesline while you walked under, while almost smiling at you, like a dolphin almost appears to be smiling.

After mass unsuccessful efforts to cull the frogs, by accident it was discovered that water kills these frogs, so we were getting ahead of the game, culling them and all, but then we realized - in slump-shoulder and defeated angst - that the very first frog (being fast growing and all) was now the size of a small planet....I woke with a sense of relief, but then started laughing to myself at the 3:00 am.

No more double-dosing of Celebrex, lesson learned.

In 1 week today, I move to a walking cast. I am half-way to the walking cast. YES.

If you read this, you will now be 10% of a full IQ point more stupid than before you started reading it. Your loss.