Here are two recent conversations that I may or may not have had. Even if I just wrote, "may have had," the statement does not commit me to have had them, but I probably had them. Consider that a definite probably. Or as some people say nowadays, "prolly". Thanks Twitter.
I woke up in the morning, which was great. Nothing worse than waking up in the afternoon.
"What in God's name are you doing sleeping in the afternoon?"
[much rustling].
"I was not sleeping-in-the-afternoon, I was planking."
"You were sleeping, I heard your snore."
"It was very good planking, that accidentally led to sleeping-in-the-afternoon."
"Right. Well don't go back to planking, we have things to do around here."
"Right now, I am in the push-up, position. If you see me looking like I am in the fetal position, I am not sleeping, nor planking, but stretching the glute, I have to be very still and warm for this."
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At the medical clinic:
"Hi there, what seems to be the problem?"
"Hi. I have reason to believe I may have been bitten by a rabid spider."
"I am no entomologist, but they are fast, some of them, those pesky rapid spiders."
"No, not rapid, but rabid. I believe I was bitten by a rabid spider."
"Oh, ok well so it was hungry and found you, yes?"
"No, not raved, but rapid..no...I mean rabid, you know grrrrr...like that."
"Rabbit-spider? Really? Are you sure you are ok?"
"Ha..ha...ha...ha...no...no....no...no...ha...ha...not a rabbit-spider, but a rabid spider, I believe I was bitten by a rabbit spide....no...rabid. Like, has rabies."
"Like I say, I am no entomologist, but I don't think spiders get rabies, sir, but take a number and sit down, we will call you when your number is up."
Mumbles to self: "This proves my number is up."
Sarcasm with a rabid smirk: "I was bitten by a rapid, rabid rabbit-spider who was raved. Say that ten times, rapidly"
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Recently the Harper government decided to announce that the majority of people in Canada want a pipeline to go to the west coast through pristine rain forest that is home to hundreds of assholes.
I am in favour of the Conservative government 90% of the time, but I have to admit that this sounds like a made up piece of bullshit. If you survey all Albertans - who often have a complete and blatant disregard for their own land for the sake of oil - they will say, "run the pipeline to the coast, run it through people's houses if you want. Yeah and ship through the rough seas from a sensitive eco-system."
So yeah, the majority favour it.
If you survey British Columbians, especially the ones not living in Surrey, Richmond and East Vancouver, you will find that there is an equal and opposite reaction. They will say, "find another way or better yet, stop extrapolating oil."
So no, the majority would not favour it.
The population of British Columbia is higher than Alberta, by over 1 million people (some of them assholes too). The vast majority are voters. Think about that for a second, there Harps.
"Dude, why do you hate the separatists so much?"
"I don't hate them, I don't love them, I mean who would? I say if you want to separate, go ahead. Tell you what, I will organize the 10000 backhoes and we will get that Holmes on Homes guy and dig along the border, so they separate anyway, like physically."
"So that will do it?"
"Great wall was built, this we can do."
"What about the pipeline from Alberta to the BC coast, what are your thoughts on that."
"Build it, run it through the f*%& native reserves if you have to, give them a royalty and some flu-laden blankets."
"Ugh."
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Sweden won the IIHF World Junior Championships against Russia, first time in 31 years. Congratulations to them. I always cheered for Sweden as a back-up to Canada. I always cheered for Finland too, mostly because they are a bit of an underdog, not by much, but just enough to usually miss the medals. Russia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, USA - nah. Never cheered for them. I never thought it was for political reasons, but in an indirect way it is for political reasons - or shades and shadows of political reasons and regimes.
For example, the USA don't love hockey like we love hockey, except for in Minnesota and perhaps another pocket or two, like Wisconsin and Dead Horse, Alaska. So maybe it is not political with them. But it is sorta shadowy-political with the rest.
Growing up with the notions that the former communist Czechoslovakia and Russia, I always disliked them simply because I could not understand a government like that. Plus I thought the Russians were clones. They all looked alike. And the Czechs have some weird characters.
The Slovaks were part of the old communist Czechoslovakia, so throw out that baby with the Czech bath water. Label them all the same, what the heck. Finland, I always like Finland and Sweden's peace-keeping nature.
Even though I visualized bombing the crap out of some red uniform-wearing commies hiding out in bunkers hidden in the Urals.
Ah such as nature (of the beast).
Never underestimate the beast the lies within a man's heart.
And another all-time favourite, "fear the man who has nothing to lose."
Ok, so my dis-favour of the US's hockey team is about politics. Just saying.
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